Helping Older Adults Adjust to Change
Many people may find themselves faced with the responsibility of telling their parents they have to make a dramatic change in their lives, such as giving up their car keys, moving out of their home, or even out of their city. One of the most fundamental facts about change is that all change is an emotional experience.
The initial response is often negative. The change may be perceived as a threat to safety, security, or lifestyle. The person may fear losing contact with people who are important to him, and have a dread of perceived loneliness.
There are three things to know about change: emotions are inevitable, change equals loss, and acceptance requires planning. If you want people to accept change, you need to invest some time in planning and communication. Four factors are important in promoting acceptance. The first factor is caring. You must understand what it is that the person feels they are losing. Listening to people’s reactions is as important as explaining the reasons for change. The next is control. People need to have some input into how the change will be implemented. They should be asked for their opinions or suggestions in areas where their input can legitimately be considered. Next is choice. Give options as part of the change process. The more options people have, the more they feel in control. Last is competence. Express your confidence in their ability to make the change work.
There are a few circumstances that can make resistance worse. The person may be concerned that their expectations about the future will not be met. He may feel he has been treated unfairly, without compassion. And finally, there are too many changes at the same time. Ask yourself honestly if any of those are true.
Any change involves carefully prepared action by the initiator. It is not enough to have a plan. To promote acceptance, the person must understand what the change is and the reason for it. He must believe it is compatible with his personal interests. Never issue an autocratic directive, but talk to him in a friendly discussion. Explain the change and why it is necessary. Then find out how he feels and why he feels that way.
It’s awkward and painful to present a change that you know will be upsetting. Plan the discussion. Consider how it sounds from their point of view. Approach the discussion with realistic expectations. If you assume that one discussion will resolve the matter, you will be disappointed. Consider the first discussion as a preliminary discussion only.
When you introduce the subject, try to avoid coming on too strong. The person must trust you and your intentions. He must believe that you care. After the preliminary discussion, suggest putting the topic on hold. Meet again in a couple of days. Be patient, it may require several meetings.
Maintain communication throughout the process. Contact the person often, just to chat or share some news. Encourage him. Help him develop new routines to support and enhance the change. Your support and involvement will make is more successful. Both of you must accept the fact that things will never be the same. Even if the change continues to be a sore spot, do everything you can to protect and nurture the relationship. People can agree to disagree. If you are initiating the change, the success of the outcome is in your hands.